December 2, 2010

The New Driving Test

There needs to be a different take on the plain old driving test people take at the DMV. Surely there is a more life-like driving test than one where you are in a car with a crotchety old lady taking notes on her clipboard while you make laps around a parking lot, cross one busy intersection and drive politely through a low-traffic neighborhood.

Personally, I think the driving test should consist of a half hour trip on a busy interstate during rush hour. Because if you are trying to merge in front of me on 270 at 6pm, I really don't give two shits if you can do a perfect three-point turn-about, or that you know to stop for 3 full seconds at a stop sign. All I care about is that you know you should be going more than 40 miles per hour, and that if you really want out of the Exit Only lane, you have a fucking blinker on.

Now, I know it would be hard to perform a test of this magnitude on a daily basis... what, with all the DMV cronies being unionized and all. So, I propose that in the case that a proxy is needed, a new driver has to have a dash camera installed for a week, and can drive alone under a provisionary license, pending approval after the viewing of the week's video tape. Seriously, this whole driving debate has gotten out of hand. I know I have a short fuse when it comes to the road, and I know I have a lead foot, and that I prefer people who know to get the hell out of my way-- but that isn't the whole story. The rest of the story starts like this: PEOPLE NEED TO LEARN HOW TO F'ING DRIVE!!!

Now, they have these new laws saying kids can't drive until they are 18, because studies show 16 year olds have the most wrecks. No shit, they have the most wrecks. They are the least experienced! Now, instead of having 16 year olds who don't know what the hell they are doing, we will just have 18 year olds who don't know what the hell they are doing. And NOW they are two years behind in finding out what the hell they are supposed to be doing. So, when they are 21 and in college, they will still be driving like we did when we were 18 and now they can also drink, so it is just going to be a disaster.

And truthfully, some people will just never have a clue. There are 16 year olds RIGHT NOW that I am SURE could drive better than some 30 year olds I know. These are the facts, folks. I don't know what the point of this rant is, except that I am just really pissed that I am going to have to drive to St. Louis tomorrow in snow, and I know there will be idiot drivers out there who think they are excellent because some old biddy with tri-focals said they pulled out of a driveway without crossing the center line, so they got an extra star on their licensing test. And my panties are pretty twisted about it.