February 20, 2013

The Demise of Free-Thinking Sane People: Part 2

Once you have finally gathered the strength and courage to go out into the world after hearing about all of the scary things that may happen to you while you are dropping your daughter off at school, or crossing an intersection, you relax.

After all, you successfully got BOTH of your kids to their destinations without your 86 year old neighbor with the child-molestor van kidnapping them, you made it the two miles to your office without a meteorite falling from the sky and crushing you, and you have researched the symptoms of a pulmonary embolism for half an hour and are pleased to announce that  you are not suffering from any of them (yet).

You arrive at work feeling pretty accomplished, right? You are early, and you had time to get your coffee and some breakfast on the way in. You then walk into your office and sit down at your desk where you more or less are sedentary for the next 8 hours.

A lot of things can happen while you are sitting down for 1/3 of a day. For instance, your metabolism slows to a stand still and you eat half of a sheet cake that was baked by a co-worker all by yourself. I don't have any solid scientific or medical evidence on this, but it is my personal opinion that sitting in an office for 8 hours while consuming pure sugar out of boredom can make a person completely and totally bat-shit crazy. Also, office work can sometimes get monotonous. This can lead to your mind wandering while you are going about your usual business. I have found that this monotony and boredom can result in certain people making up shit to be offended about.

I have based my findings on newspaper articles detailing a litany of baseless lawsuits and editorials, as well as the comment section of any politically-charged online news article. Also, corroborating evidence was found in the newsfeed on my Facebook page. Due to the INSANE amount of information available to the public at large, and the boredom suffered by mammals who no longer have to hunt for food or chop their own firewood, or use their brain to do hardly anything to survive these days, you can't go a day without hearing someone throwing a fit about what the president had for breakfast, or someone going toddler-tantrum-style about the pay of some big wig CEO. Americans can start a petition or protest about occurrences half way around the world, even if they don't understand them or have a very limited understanding based on their own egocentric view of the universe.

And sometimes, as I sit in my tiny office and stuff myself full of strawberry cake with strawberry icing, I fall into the trap myself. When all you can find to read are stories about how pissed off you should be about every single thing that you don't agree with, you start to have an over-inflated sense of entitlement. Some people never snap out of it. They go on believing that everything in the universe should fit into their own tiny boxes, never offending the schematic they have set in their own minds. They become assholes incapable of recognizing the worth of other cultures and refusing to see things from a different point of view. Which is why, I have decided to give up sugar while I am at work.

Just kidding. I had three cinnamon rolls today.

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