I laugh too much

Lately, I have been noticing how often I laugh. Now, this isn't necessarily a bad thing, of course. In fact, one study found that mothers who breastfeed their babies and laugh often have healthier breast milk. So, my kids should be golden on that front. But what is the ettiquette for laughing in public? My laugh is pretty loud. I could be seen as a nuisance by some, I'm afraid. And have any of you ever gone to the movies and experienced that one person laughing when the rest of the audience is completely silent? I've got news for you--that lonely laughing hyena is me, folks.

I'm not usually self-conscious about my laughing. In fact, I never realized I laughed an abnormal amount until college. I was sitting watching a sit-com with one of my roommates. She suddenly turned to me and said, "I love watching shows with you. You always laugh out loud at everything. It's so funny." I was a novelty because I laughed at funny things. I just thought that was what everyone did. If something is funny, you laugh! Laugh, damn it!

One day this past week I went to the gym to work-out. I really needed to relieve some stress after a very, very trying day with my three year old daughter. My gym is fairly new and has all the latest fancy, shmancy equipment. All the cardio-machines have the built-in TV's and a jack to plug your earphones into so you can hear. After weight lifting for a while, I decided to plop myself down on one of the stationary bikes and watch one of the many sit-coms I love. The Big Bang Theory was on, and if you haven't seen it, it is pretty funny (obviously, or I wouldn't watch it). So, I start pedaling and watching the show. That Sheldon, what a crack up. He is so neurotic and hilariously literal, I am thinking to myself...and then I realize I am laughing out loud, sitting there in the midst of hundreds of people, none of whom are laughing out loud. How crazy must I look, sitting there pedaling and watching the little screen and laughing to myself? I mean, no one else can hear the show, and I look around and no one else is watching the same thing so they don't know what's going on.

But, oh well. Maybe if people at the gym start thinking I'm a little crazy I can get them to give up the machine they are on when it is too crowded. And at least my breast milk is choc-full of melatonin.

http://stanford.wellsphere.com/healthy-eating-article/mother-s-laughter-makes-breast-milk-healthier-for-baby/423471

Supporting Our Troops...?

As if there aren't enough things to worry about today. We have an abundance of reasonable complaints everyday thanks to our failing economy, our high crime rates, climbing unemployment rates, and the never-ending wars across the globe. You would *think* that people had enough to worry about besides publicly showing their horror and disgust at a downtown group doing something as unTHINKable as helping out our veterans.

That's right, folks. Horror of horrors. Someone has given housing to 23 VETERANS in downtown St. Louis. These veterans have fought for our country. We are told that they are heroes and that we should all gather around them and support them. They have given their time, strength, and freedom because that is what the government and it's people has asked from them. What do they get in return? Not much apparently, since many of them are homeless. Many of them have turned to drugs and alcohol to deal with the stressors they are faced with every day, in a country that told them they should be proud of their service then abandoned them. Yes, some of these men and women have problems. That doesn't make them bad people. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand. Sometimes, someone comes in and offers you a second chance.

That is what is happening right now. A new development downtown has been established to help homeless veterans get back on their feet. The veterans are given housing and must adhere to "strict guidelines." This includes a drug-free lifestyle and keeping a job. This sounds like it should be a "feel good" story, does it not? My warm and fuzzy moment was cut-short by the following comment:

"We made major investments downtown," Don Wallace said. "I've got ten grandchildren that come downtown to visit with me and I'm concerned about them. There's a lot of concern and we need to address that."

Is it just me, or does anyone else hear Mila Kunis' character Jackie Burkhart from "That 70's Show" in their minds when reading that comment? In one episode she is talking to Hyde (Danny Masterson) and she is saying to him, "Of course you don't know any better. You grew up poor, and poor people are bad!"

Likewise, it seems that many business investors hear the word "homeless" and automatically believe that these veterans are drunk, dirty drug-dealers who don't deserve to live near their businesses. Maybe they think we should put them in vans and move them across the river to East St. Louis? Maybe we should move them to the north end of town and let them fend for themselves? Maybe these venues are more *fitting* for these men? After all, we can't have the grandkids of important businessmen seeing how we treat those who served their country!!! We can't let them know that sometimes the world isn't all roses and rainbows! What if one of these kids has to share a sidewalk with one of these men? Wouldn't that just be awful?!? Think of the implications! Oh, dear me what should we DO WITH THESE VETERANS?!?!

I'm sorry but this story just makes me ill. I hate it when people complain about something good and decent. Here is the link to the story. Maybe if enough of us leave our comments these business owners will get over themselves and see this program for what it is: An attempt to do the right thing and help out our fellow men and women in this crappy society.

http://www.ksdk.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=167918&catid=3

Babies In Beauty Pageants

Last night I watched two shows about little tiny girls in Beauty Pageants. Wow. I know what you are thinking. I watch too much TV. I really do. Especially in the winter when it is too cold to go outside and do anything productive. Anyway, I was watching these shows and two things kept going through my mind.

1) How do they get 3 and 4 year olds to DO those things? My daughter (who is 3) would be running all over the stage asking the other girls if they had any candy. Then she would probably skip to the front of the runway when they called her name, fart loudly, giggle and run away. If we were lucky we would get an *Excuse me* out of her, but it would depend on the time of day and if anyone had procured any candy for her, yet.

2) What the hell is wrong with these parents? Some of them spend thousands and thousands of dollars just on CLOTHES for these beauty contests. One mom even admitted her husband would rather she put that money into an account where it could accrue interest for her daughter's education (gasp!) and she disagreed. Another mom stated that parent's who thought Pageant Parents were doing something wrong had ugly kids. Are you freaking serious? And why do all of these parents have southern accents and bleach blonde hair?

I don't pretend to understand anything about these types of settings. I can't understand wanting my small child to dress like a prostitute and flirt with a weird man singing out-dated love songs to all the contestants who are wearing fake teeth and (sometimes) fake hair. I can't relate to parents who think beauty pageants are a way to teach their kids about *real life.* I don't want my daughter to think her worth to me depends on how cute she is, how well she can sing or dance, or how tan she is.

I would like her to quit farting and burping loudly in public, though. So if anyone has any suggestions, let me know.

The Only Church That Can Save Your Soul...

Every day on my way to work I pass this giant monstrosity of a church. I don't believe modestly or humility is a priority here. At least it doesn't seem that way. They have one of those marquee signs where they change the saying every week or so. It stands high and tall so all the people sitting in traffic can see it from the ramp going into town. Their sayings are usually fairly benign as far as church marquee signs go. When I was in college in a very small town, one of the churches always had sayings on their sign condemning people to Hell for various infractions. Very depressing to read on my way to class in the morning. Those types of things really aren't my taste, but whatever. Usually Monster Church's sign announces upcoming sermon topics or invites people in on Sundays. Last week they had some request for everyone driving by to stop in. Ok. Sure, most churches are looking to fill their pews. No biggie. But this week, as a follow up from the previous invite, the sign said, "You are STILL driving by. Tick, Tock!"

Huh? What is all this tick, tocking about? Is the apocolypse drawing near and the only way to save ourselves is to cut our commute short and rush into Monster Church even though it is 7:30 on a Thursday morning? Never mind the fact that many people already belong to a church and Monster Church isn't the only spiritual home in America, let alone Illinois, let alone this region, let alone this city? Is time really running out? Is God going to smite us all because we drive by a church on the way to work everyday? Should we rework our route so as to bypass that part of the city altogether so the wrath of the Almighty does not rain down on us?

I guess I just really don't see the point in most church signs. Sometimes a church will have a funny or witty phrase and I will chuckle to myself, but mostly they make me roll my eyes. Don't get me wrong, I am a spiritual person. I believe in God. I believe in treating others the way we wish to be treated. I believe that all of us have some deeper purpose and I don't believe in coincidence. What I *don't* believe in is guilting people into churches. I don't believe there is *one way* into God's good graces. I don't believe people who don't go to church are going to Hell just because they don't go to church. I don't believe in shunning people and I don't believe that a church's worth is determined by how many people they can pack into the sanctuary every week. I don't believe I will turn into a pillar of salt if I never step foot into Monster Church.