Dear Wii Balance Board:

Dear Wii Balance Board,

You are a jerk. Here is why:

1) You are constantly telling me to do the body test and then when I do you mock me and tell me how off-pace I am to reach my goals. You then proceed to ask me invasive questions about my snacking habits that leave me feeling insecure all day.

2) After said body balance tests, you continually ask me if I walk into things on a regular basis. I don't know what you are trying to get at with this line of questioning, but you should know that it is pretty rude.

3) You are always telling me how old I am and you are always wrong. You know how old I am. You asked me before you would let me do anything else. Ass. Don't try to say it is just my *Fitness Age* I am so sick of that excuse. How can my fitness be 21 one day and 39 the next? What kind of game are you playing here?

4) The other day you told me to go easy on my afternoon snacks. I don't know how you knew I had just eaten four girl scout cookies you psychic bastard, but I really don't like to be lectured about my snacking habits when all I want to do is skateboard in the virtual world.

5) Your batteries are always going dead. For someone who just sits there, you sure do drain a lot of batteries. God, you're so wasteful.

6) When I first got you and you asked me to "Step On," you would always say, "GREAT!" as I did. Now everytime I step on you groan, "OH!" like the last thing you want to do in the entire world is support my fat ass. Well guess what you insensitive prick, I am getting sick of it. I haven't even gained any weight since I bought you, so I don't really know what your problem is. Get over it because I am addicted to the snowball throwing, obstacle course, and skateboarding games now. I kick ass at virtual kung-fu and virtual boxing, and I'm not going to stop now just because of your bad attitude. Oh, and no one cares that you can weigh a freaking dog on you. That is stupid. Was that your idea? I bet it was. Pet and baby statuses? Really?

In closing, I hope this letter has opened your eyes as to why I have been so short and temperamental with you lately. I am sorry I stomped on you the other day when you made my Mii fall off the ice on the advanced obstacle course. That was uncalled for. Please straighten our your attitude though, so that these things will be unlikely to occur in the future. See you at home,

Bec