Driving In The Rain

I don't know what it is about rain that makes many of you crazy. Is it the over-stimulation of all the pretty lights being reflected in the puddles in the street? Do you get distracted by the wipers going back and forth, back and forth across your windshield? I know; Maybe it is that the pitter-patter of the drops falling on the roof of your car lulls you to sleep at the wheel. Is that it? Please help me out. Because if I have to drive behind one more vehicle going 15 mph's under the speed limit during rush hour because it is sprinkling, I am going to scream.

I will make this very simple. If you cannot drive in the rain, or if you are too scared to drive at the first sign of cloud cover, please do the rest of us a favor and stay at home. We know you have places to be, but please call-in sick to work, find a bus or a friend who can take you where you need to go. It will make everything more pleasant for all of us. I understand if it is a down-pour. Please, if you feel like you can no longer drive safely due to rain fall, pull over and wait it out. Oh, and turn your flashers on so everyone can see you.

For those of you who just HAVE to drive in the rain despite your complete absence of sense while doing so, here are some tips:

1) If it is raining hard enough that you need your wipers on, you should also have your headlights on. Not only is this a law in many states, it is also just a really swell idea. You see-- as my four year old pointed out the other day as we were driving in the dreary, London-like fog-- when it is raining the sun is hidden from view, making early morning rush hour look much like dusk, or even nightfall! Lights are a grand idea if you would not like other drivers plowing into you on the road.

2) Hydroplaning is not that big of a deal if you have both hands on the steering wheel. In other words, when it is raining put your fricking phone, donut, or mascara down and drive the car! And don't swerve all over the place trying to over-correct yourself. Just hang on to your wheel and keep the tires going forward!

3) If you do not know what hydroplaning is, stay home. Seriously. I don't care if Christ himself invited you over for dinner. Stay the hell away from the car until it clears up outside.

4) If you have found this post to be confusing or rude, please find someone who thinks it is funny and have them drive your dumb ass around next time it rains.